


safe harbour

by baekkieony



Series: The SHINee Chronicles [1]
Category: SHINee
Genre: Eating Disorders, FLUFFY CUTE, Fluff, Fluffy, Hate, Help, How Do I Tag, I need help, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Not Beta Read, Self-Harm, Someone stop me, Something New, happy end, kibum's being a bitch nothing new tho, minho and key are my spirit animals, minho's a helping angle, my little diva, not a sad end, pls, tho, wtf do i tag here lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 09:32:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11399829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baekkieony/pseuds/baekkieony
Summary: Kibum's a sinking ship, but where's his safe haven?





	safe harbour

**Author's Note:**

> i'm back with some shinee trash, because i love minho and key (especially together) and they deserve more love. let's go and it's shit btw, os don't expect too much, i dunno how i ended up with dat. enjoy!

_It ain't easy growing up in world war three_

Kibum kept replaying that song all day. It made him help getting along with his situation, even if it was about a broken family and not about a broken boy.

Kibum sighed. “Is life so hard again?”, it was just meant as a tease from Taemin, but Kibum flinched like he had scared him to death. A soft laughter came from Taemin and Kibum only raised an eyebrow. “Yah, you scared me”, a punch on Taemin’s shoulder. Kibum wasn't able to do more to their maknae.

Taemin laughed again. Kibum tried to force a laugh as well, but he failed. As always. Taemin didn't seem to notice – or be interested in Kibum as well. Kibum just wanted him to leave him alone.

“Gonna go, seeing Jinki! Be in time, kay?”, Taemin was half out of the apartment when he yelled the words. Kibum nodded a nod Taemin wouldn't see and went back to staring at the tv without even watching. He wouldn't come to their meeting, he just would say that he's...ill. Not really a lie, though.

Kibum just didn't feel like living at the moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kibum was scraping at the fresh healed wounds on his inner – and normally not bare – tights, but every other pant was in the laundry. He would wear a jacket above it outside. Nobody would care anyway.

The meeting was exhausting, but in the end he had decided that he couldn't miss another meeting. This was his dream. He always wanted to make music and be on stage. He let his body get slurped in by the sofa he was sitting on.

“Hey, Kibum, is everything okay? You're so quiet the last time”, Jonghyun next to him sounded worried, but it was surely fake. Kibum smiled and answered with a fine. It was as fake as Jonghyun’s pity.

“Why do you care anyway?”, Kibum muttered it silently when Jonghyun was to far away to hear it. Kibum was a sinking ship, but where was his safe harbour?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They were at the set for their new music video today and Kibum was as excited as he was for the last three weeks. Excitement on level zero. 

It was a bitter laugh when he spotted the neon  sentence for the first second of their music video. Pinkish neon letters built the sentence “marriage is a slow death” and it seemed like SM didn't know how right they were. “They're the best exampl e ”, Kibum thought mischievous.

When everything was finished,  it was late  in the evening and Kibum only wanted to go home. Be alone. In his room with himself. But Minho decided it would be a good timing to crash Kibum's plans. 

“Hey, wanna go out with us? We're going to get a drink or two”, it was only a small punch in the side, but Kibum went directly weak in his knees. He hoped that it look like he just tripped, but when he couldn't find the strength to stand up alone, he thought he just stayed at the ground. “N-no, thanks, I have to do... _things_ ”.

Minho looked at him suspicious. “Weak Kibum, weak”, he thought to himself and continued staring at the ground, feeling Minho's burning gaze. “Things, hm?”, Minho asked curious. 

Kibum wanted to hit him with a pan for asking. Couldn't he just accept this denial and went back to ignoring him, like the others? “Yes, things”, the response sounded weak even in his own ears. Kibum tried to laugh shortly after that and he wanted to know if the laughter sounded as fake as it felt. It was more a cough.

“And would you tell me what things?”, Kibum rolled his eyes. Minho was always to curious. A habit since trainee days. A reason why he hated Minho so much back in the past.

“Things”, it was clear that Kibum didn't want to say anymore. “Okay, I'll leave you alone with your _things_ but call me if you decided otherwise”, Minho gave him a last su spicious look and left. Kibum felt like Minho had taken Kibum's life with him when he left.

He thought about the fa ct if there were also grave’s and funeral's for souls.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Key? Key, are you here?”, the voice sounded like being far away. Maybe Jinki's. Kibum didn't thought it was necessary enough to open his eyes anyway. “Kibum! You really need to wake up! We're on a show”, when Kibum heard the word “show”, his eyes fluttered open and his head raised straight up. “Show? Fuck-”, it were short thoughts before Jinki gave him a shove and he sat completely straight.

“Had a hard night?”, the mc asked, voice full with pity. “'Had a hard life' would fit better”, he thought. “Yes”, Kibum tried to sound tired, but that was the only thing where he didn't need to try anymore. He reached a point wide beyond “being tired”. He hoped the mc would die in a car accident or something. He was so annyoing.

Kibum went back to his delirium stage and blended the other members out until the show was finished. It wasn't interesting anyway.

His manager yelled at him after the show as expected. “You knew that it was live! How could you?”, Kibum tried to answer, but Minho was faster. “He was tired! It's your fault when you're overworking him, not his. You better let him rest or you can search for your beloved artist in a hospital one day!”, Minho sounded like he was ready to spit fire. Kibum's head hurt and ached in pain. Everything was too much. When was the last time when he ate something?

He barely made it home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Minho?”. “Yes?”, Minho answer distracted when Kibum turned his head to him, legs on Minho's lap. He was the only who Kibum found acceptable when it came to skinship.

“Did you ever feel like this business sucks you out?”, it was only a short silence. “Sure. But I dealt with the problem and talked with somebody about it and then everything got better. Maybe it's an aspect of being bounded with SM to feel sucked out”, his answer left Kibum deep in thoughts.

Everyone of the members had have a hard time. But no one suffered so much like Kibum and nobody was so bad at handling it as Kibum was. He felt guilty about that. About leaving his members in their darkest times alone and then expecting help from them. He was such a liar.

“I should go now”, Kibum stood up. He suddenly felt bad for being with Minho. He didn't deserve his attention. What he deserved was another bloody line on his tight. “Why,”, Minho pouted, “you were barely twenty minutes here”.

“I have things to do”. “Again?”, his curiosity would be Minho's death someday. “Yes”.

“Are you going to tell me this time?”, Minho's question wasn't really a question, because he knew the answer internally. “No”.

Kibum was half out of the apartment, when Minho hold him back. “Kibum?”. “Yes?”, Minho hold Kibum's scarf into his direction and Kibum muttered a thank you. Kibum wanted to sling the scarf around his throat (and strangle himself with it) to finally go back to his apartment, when another sentence from Minho hold him back. It was said so casually.

“By the way, I stole the bloody blades from your bathroom anyway when I was in your apartment the last time, so I don't get the point of not staying longer”.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It takes it's time. Getting out of depression is like healing a deep wound. First comes getting along with the past, like you have to erase every dirt from the wound. Then you have to set a rock in the running see, like you have to build new muscles. And then comes social life, like a new skin. You have to go step by step, slowly. Not overworking your soul – or body.

Kibum also needed time. He had weekends when he was alone in his dark room, refusing to eat only a slice of bread. But there were also days where he would talk happily to his members again and laugh among. Kibum would never be the same, the depression would always be a part of him. But Kibum had enough moments that made him forget for a second.

Kibum loved sleeping now. His dreams weren't weird or confusing anymore. Not scary, more fluffy. Nobody in his dreams forced him to eat, – even if he ate now, it was always a fight against himself; he really hated it – nobody would judge him for some scars on his milky tights. He was alone with himself, Minho and the butterflies. And it came the day when he was able to see the butterflies in real life, or maybe it was the nervousness playing games in his stomach when he asked Minho out.

It took time, yes. But Minho thought that Kibum was worth every second.

Minho said yes by the way.


End file.
